Every book on my bookshelf has one thing in common; they all have one line that is underlined inside of it. The line that I choose to underline is the line that jumps out to me the most because it resonates with me or captures the heart of the book. The line I decided to underline this month comes from the memoir We Have Always Been Hereby Samra Habib:

• We Have Always Been Here By Samra Habib
• We Have Always Been Here Samra Habib Pdf
• We Have Always Been Here Samra Habibie

We Have Always Been Here By Samra Habib

About We Have Always Been Here Samra Habib has spent most of her life searching for the safety to be herself. As an Ahmadi Muslim growing up in Pakistan, she faced regular threats from Islamic. Internationally renowned journalist and photographer Samra Habib’s memoir We Have Always Been Here is subtitled (and marketed as) “a queer Muslim memoir”. Yet it’s much more than that.

“Jaan, it helps to find solace in the larger universe, especially when your internal world isn’t hospitable,” she said hoping that the advice would stick. “Sometimes that is how you come back to yourself.”

This quote comes from an exchange about the power of reading books between Samra and her mother. This line captures the essence of the memoir because it is Samara’s response to what her mother said.

Samra was born in Pakistan, where at the age of eight, she and her family fled due to facing prosecution from the government for being Ahmadi Muslim. In Canada, she remained a dutiful daughter in public to the point at the age of 13 she was engaged to her first cousin, and by the age of 16, she married him. However, in private, she read feminist books, played with her fashion, took her hijab off at school, and began to question her feelings towards women. Before she graduated high school, Samra divorced her husband and ran away from home to find herself outside her family.

The period that follows is the beginning of Samra’s journey into exploring her sexuality while meanwhile no longer practicing Islam as she felt abandoned by her faith. Over two decades, Samra is exposed to various people who identify as being Queer, who not only become life-long friends but help her gain the courage to accept her place in the community herself. This would not always go smoothly as she will find herself married to another man at the age of 20, but in her 30s, she begins dating women that would (of course) lead to a few broken hearts.

We Have Always Been Here Samra Habib Pdf

After Samra comes to terms with being Queer she starts to crave the community that Islam gave her growing up and that she left after leaving home. At this point, her parents are in her life again after making amends over her first marriage, helping her divorce her second husband, and accepting her being Queer. A friend recommended that Samra attend an Islam service where they accepted LGBTQ+ members, and the service leaders are a gay couple themselves. It is within this inclusive version of Islam that Samra finds herself comforted by her religion and to feel safe within it too.

Once her return to Islam is complete, Samra begins searching for other Muslims who identify as Queer. This would become a photo project that gives a voice to Queer Muslims and a face as to the varying degrees of them. She would provide lectures throughout the world on this topic, and her photo series “Just Me and Allah” would be featured in the Victoria and Albert Museum in London. We Have Always Been Here is her first book.

The front cover of the book states that it is a ‘Queer Muslim Memoir.’ Both Queer and Muslim are two identities that tend to be separated, meaning you can be one- Queer or Muslim- but you cannot be both. This memoir questions this separation and is an exploration of Samra, finding her identity within both of these places. Throughout her story, we are faced with the hardships that Samra went through to get to her most authentic self. Her trials are full of grace for herself as this memoir is a love letter to her younger self, but it also shows grace to those who were not always on her side. This memoir was recently voted Canada's Best Read for this year, and I can not argue with that, as this book will stick around with you months after you finish it. I have read this book twice and each time I felt nothing by love towards the author for writing such a profoundly moving memoir that will touch any reader that picks it up regardless of their race, religion, or sexuality.

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In We Have Always Been Here, activist, writer, and photographer Samra Habib writes about her emigration from Pakistan to Canada, her relationship with Islam and the persecution her family faced as members of the Ahmadiyya sect, her arranged marriage to her first cousin, and her journey of discovery and acceptance of her queer identity. If that sounds like a lot to cover in 220 pages, that’s because it’s not covered all that much at all. I would have happily spent more time reading about it, because Habib is a good writer, but unfortunately, I don’t think this is a very good memoir.

Somehow, many of the scenes, from her childhood in Lahore to her high school years to her exploration of her sexuality, feel like a movie montages but somehow even more fleeting. Actually, it doesn’t really read like a BOOK. Each chapter reads more like its own coincidentally sequential blog post, with big life events summarized in throwaway lines and new factoids dropped in later sections that weren’t mentioned earlier, sprinkled in as though we hadn’t explored that time period already.

One particularly egregious instance is when Habib comes to a profound realization about her second marriage: “And I had changed: I barely resembled my former self, the version of me who sought acceptance and security- or was it invisibility – in a heterosexual marriage.” Her former self. From less than a chapter ago, 20 pages earlier.

By then, this had happened. By then, that had happened. So many large events are mentioned in passing after they happened with no deeper analysis of what it was like when they happened.

Habib also repeatedly mentions childhood trauma and emerging from it, but only vaguely alludes to most of the sources of trauma themselves, like possible abuse from her father. The only real knowledge we have is of her arranged marriage to her first cousin, and his burgeoning controlling behaviour. This, of course, isn’t nothing, and we are not owed insight into the details of anyone’s private life. But it did make me feel more like I was reading a Wiki entry about facts about the author’s life, rather than her actual experience of that life.

Looking at what I’ve written, I feel like I’ve let The Rant get the better of me and given an inaccurate impression of how I felt reading this book. I was frustrated, and disappointed by what could have been but wasn’t. But I don’t regret reading it, and I learned a lot. About what life in Pakistan is like for some families, about growing up an immigrant in Toronto, where I was born and live, about the Ahmadiyya sect of Islam.

And there’s a lot to admire about Habib herself. She talks about her parents with empathy and understanding while acknowledging their shortcomings, and I suspect some of the vagueness I mentioned above is out of respect or protectiveness for them. The last chapter and a half, in which she talks about the photography project which inspired We Have Always Been Here, as well as reconnecting with her parents, brought tears to my eyes. The letter she writes to her 7 year old self in the last pages is beautiful.

We Have Always Been Here Samra Habibie

On the whole, I think this short book works well as a companion to Habib’s Just Me and Allah project (which I spent a good couple of hours scrolling through and highly recommend), but for this reader, it didn’t work wonderfully as a fully-realized memoir.