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For some reason, none of us ever get tired of these “what does X say about you?” kinds of things, so here's another one to liven up your Hump Day: What does your favorite alcoholic drink say about you? Or perhaps more accurately, what does your bartender think about you based on your drink order? These wacky little personality tests rarely have any sort of scientific basis, and this one is no exception; indeed, the original AskReddit topic from whence the answers hail is actually titled, “Servers and bartenders of Reddit, what stereotypes do you always associate with people who order specific drinks?” Whenever we wade into stereotype behavior, we have to be aware of the fact that we're talking about… well, stereotypes. But hey, given that we're probably all already thinking about happy hour anyway, let's see what today's AskReddit adventure holds for us, shall we?

I think it's also worth noting that, as is always the case with these kinds of topics, no single person can be completely summed up based on the drink they order. However, when you work in the service industry, you see a lot of people, and often all you'll really know about them is what they drink and how they behave when they drink it. As such, it's easy to see how you'd come to associate certain behaviors with certain drinks, even though there's undoubtedly much more to all those customers than you see at the bar.

So, according to the drink-slinging denizens of Reddit, here's what your bartender probably thinks about you based on your drink order. It's probably wrong, but it's still kind of funny. Cheers, everyone!

1. If you order a Cosmo…

These days, I suppose it just means that your bartender assumes you still think it's 1998.

2. If you order this very specific brand of whisky…

For the curious, Pendleton is a Canadian whisky (and yes, it's “whisky” without the “e”) that was created to honor the American cowboy. A fairly recent label, it dates back to 2003; it's also known as “Cowboy Whisky.” TIL, right?

3. If you hit the Holy Trinity…

Then you are a fine, upstanding gentleman or lady. Drink up, tip well, and have a wonderful evening.

4. If you order Foster's…

Huh. That's interesting. I just would have gone with, 'not Australian.'

5. If you order a vodka and Diet Coke…

Is anyone else curious what assumptions might be made if you ordered a vodka and regular Coke?

6. If you order a White Russian…

Maybe we all just need to square with the fact that there's only one Dude, and none of us are him.

7. If you order an Old Fashioned…

Same goes for Don Draper.

8. If you're a regular and you order something you don't usually order…

Your bartender has your back.

9. If you order these things in quick succession…

Then you should probably go hang out with the person who just ordered a Cosmo. You can revel in your '90s nostalgia together.

10. If you order soda…

“Handbag Vodka” is my favorite new term — and yes, I'm going to consider it a technical one.

11. If you order the wrong drink in the wrong place…

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There's something to be said for being aware of your surroundings.

Reddit Bartender Resume Tips

12. But also…

You. I like you.

Images: Didriks/Flickr; Giphy (3)

Of course, the function of a bartender is to make drinks, but the bartender’s profession is in hospitality. If you patrons aren’t leaving happy, your pockets will end up empty. When it comes to increasing bartender tips, your restaurant customer service matters just as much as your drink skills.

It’s no surprise that making better tips as a bartender depends on your ability to entertain your customers.

Thanks to the wisdom of Reddit, here are some popular tips and bartender tricks for making better tips as a bartender via increasing the happiness of your guests.

“Making drinks is easy. Making people happy is an art.”

Treat Your Guests Like Guests

This might seem obvious, but this was the overarching sentiment of all the advice on Reddit. Even when they’re getting rowdy, your customers are your guests at the end of the day, and most bartenders on a variety of threads point to treating them as such as the way to great tips.

“Be a host. Shops have customers, bars have guests. Treat everyone as if they were invited to a party in your own home,” notes Reddit user DeadParrot21. The user continues by explaining that what makes bars stand out from drinking at home is the experience, and that’s what bartenders are really selling. “Making drinks is easy. Making people happy is an art,” they conclude.

Sharpen Your Speed in High Volume Environments

In some spots, quality time spent with your customers is what will earn you better tips, but in some places, like high volume clubs, it’s all a numbers game. When the music’s too loud for you to hold a conversation with them anyway, you’ve got to reduce your customers’ wait times in order to bring home the dough. In situations like this, one Reddit user puts it this way: “…you need to push out as many drinks as possible. You are looking to increase the volume as much as you can. All of the little tips add up over the course of the night.”

“Shops have customers, bars have guests. Treat everyone as if they were invited to a party in your own home.”

In order to pick up the pace, the same user advises mastering helping multiple customers at a time by making the drinks for one group while taking the orders of another, for example. Keeping all of your drink making supplies in arms reach as best you can is also advised—that way you won’t waste time running to the other end of the bar and back.

Listen and Pay Attention

If you’re on the other end of the volume spectrum, listening to your guests—I mean really listening—is the ticket. One Reddit user explains that bartenders can get better tips by “listening to the customers at the counter. Some of them have good stories, some have bad, [but] all you need to do is listen” to increase your cash at the end of the night.

If listening attentively isn’t your strong suit, there are other ways that you can show your guests that you’re paying attention to them. “Remember what people are drinking [and] ask, ‘same again?’ when they come to the bar. Try to use the customer’s name and smile,” advises Reddit user Dusty_Clock.

Give Free Drinks

While not every place allows giving free drinks to customers, most do. If you work in a spot that’s O.K. with it, make the most of it. According to the Reddit user FreeSoloing, throwing in an occasional free drink and letting the guest know that the round is on you is the key. “It increases the customer’s experience and will make them more likely to come back. One free $5 drink can lead to making a customer a repeat customer [who] ends up spending [hundreds of dollars] at the bar [over time],” the user explains. FreeSoloing also adds that, even if the free drink doesn’t lead to repeat business, it’s likely to at least make them tip you the same amount that the drink cost.

Tell us, what are some of the tricks you use to make more tips at the bar?